Monday, June 21, 2010

Forever After

white picket fences
big bright sunflowers
bright red roses
green lawn and big white house

poofy wedding dress
curly long tendrils
huge cake with lilies and orchids
little girls with baskets filled with rose petals

big chocolate brown eyes
tiny little fingers and toes
straight little pink nose
bright yellow sundress spinning around

baking for a dozen
picking up balls and cleats
driving back and forth everyday
feeding and walking them too

laughing and crying for silly things
stopping and breathing
appreciating and watching the grass grow
being there no matter the cost

if you are never there
i would not do these things
if you are not here
there are people that i wont ever get to meet

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Todays world

people take the ones the care about for granted

we beleive that because they love us that they will never leave

but like most times they hurt us...break us and leave us

like always we never really learn from our mistakes

we go back and we love again and we hurt again
most people never get enough pain to make them stronger
so like the next 40% of females we become submissive to the males
but i am not gonna be broken
because i been hurt so much that i have learned
to get up brush off my pain
and hold my head up
i dont hate the people that hurt me
that will only give them power
for i belong to no one but god
i forgave everyone
and now i have freed myself from the hurt and the torture and the pain
i am a free woman
i am a virtious woman
i am free
i am love
i am what i should be and more
no female should be hurt
non should let another break her
for she is the mother of the earth
she nurtures life and help us to grow
she is to be saved
to be honored
for without here we have no world at all
a woman gave birth to jesus and gave birth to a savior

Sunday, January 24, 2010

What i See...Only God knows

I noticed that you have changed
We don't talk the way we used to
The connection is fading
Ever since that day

I saw the look in your eyes
The shadow lurking
I know deep down within
But i refuse to believe it

The way you touch me
Its not the same
The way you kiss me
Its not the same

Its a game
But i don't want to play
Its all so wrong
But i just don't care

Its only so much i can bear
I am surprised i don't have any fear
Maybe its because the truth is near
I wont ever ask
That my love isn't my task

My love will forever last
But its up to you
To say the thing i want to hear
To defy you, oh my love i would never dear

It is true my love i really do care
And i know that you know
That this may go against me
But my love i am still here

I have faith in you
I trust that you have faith in yourself
I trust that you may do whats right
God knows why

He knows why he gives me strength
God knows why i have faith
God knows why i try
And god knows why i cry

God knows why we met
God knows which path is set
God knows why i don't fret
God knows why i would give you my last breath

He knows why i love you
He knows why i am here
He knows why i care
He knows that what i say is true

God knows why i am in your life
He knows why he let me loose my beloved
God knows why i feel so much pain
He knows who will be your wife

I haven't figured it out yet
But he takes my fears away
He wont let me fail
He wont let me be chosen by dismay

He comforts me
He sends his angels to wipe my tears away
He reminds me of my mistakes
Now i have Atonement

To him i owe a child
To him i owe my life
To him i owe my soul
To him i owe my heart

But here in my human life
I owe nothing
I wish for nothing
I have mortal dreams

I see what he wants me to see
I opened my eyes
Now don't be afraid
He will help you

He will give you strength
Tell him your fears
He will show you the way
Listen and you will hear him speak

Thursday, January 7, 2010

i can use somebody

dont hold on too tight
things is this world
they never stay with us

why do we hold on to things
things that are not important?
why do we let the valuable ones go?

why dont we get a second chance?
why cant we change time
wht cant we go back and do it over?

the most beautiful things in life
always start out ugly
then grow into the most beautiful things in life

i feel broken...hopeless
i feel lost
who do i confide in?
who do i lean on when i cant find the strength?
i feel like i cant write anymore
i have no motivation
i no need
i just feel like such a bad person

Sunday, December 27, 2009


ill never be the same
lost in the darkness
i was abandoned by the people i loved
left to suffer and hurt

you look at me
but you dont see me
you dont see my heart

its right there on the floor
i needed you
but the world needed you more

yes my heart is on the floor
i already stepped into the black door
i am being eaten alive by my own fears
and still nobody cares

its like being buried alive
i am screaming and no one hears
i am being over looked

never again will i be the same
i am dead now
i am gone
its too late

even if i recover ill forever remember
i hope you never forget it either
i lived for you.

i was never the same when she died
a part of me became filled with sorrow
filled with pain

and now here i am
i am covered in my own blood
my heart is on the floor and i need u
the knife you used to hurt me is still in your hands
yet no blood as touched your white shirt
my heart is on the floor
i need you more than ever
i need you to save me
if you dont save me
ill forever be lost in solitude
i need u more than ever please
everywhere i look i see you...
i need you
i need you
i need you to love me
i need you to save me
i need you ........................

A love letter to my precious Angel

so small so special
so innocent
my angel

my baby i hurt you
baby i am so sorry
i wasn't thinking about you
i was being selfish

i only wanted out
i did it the easy way
now i am suffering
i am being tortured

baby i am so sorry
i am so very hurt
i am so very very sorry
i was stupid

baby i cry for you each day
its like i am fighting a battle i wont win
i didn't fight for you
i didn't try hard enough
i am sorry, i didn't believe in myself
i didn't think i would have been strong enough

i wish i can take it all back
i wish i can rewind time
i wish i could do it in slow motion
i miss you baby i do i really do

i wanted to meet you
i wanted to see your eyes
i wanted to listen to your Lil fluttering heart beat
baby i wanted to kiss your fingers
but i am so weak ...i submitted to defeat....

baby i want to hear your voice
i didn't make the right choice
baby you would have been the lesson i needed
now i wont learn what i needed
i wont ever find out what was going to be
baby why cant u come back to me?

i deserve all the misfortune in this world
i deserve to loose all i have
i deserve to be in pain
i deserve to be tortured
i deserve to loose your dads love

you needed me to be strong
you needed me to love you enough to keep you
you needed me to love you to fight for you
we would have been just fine
i was too afraid, i am sorry

oh i miss the beat of your tiny heart
i miss orange soda
i gave up an opportunity so grand
i gave up the chance to meet you
to kiss your tiny hands
look into your beautiful eyes
i bet they would have been chocolate like your dads

oh baby i am sorry
i would trade my happiness and comfort
to have one chance to meet you
i would trade my life for yours
i didn't want the pain
but living with this hurt and loss is far worst than before
i would trade it all my child i would

baby i love you
i am sorry i didn't love you enough
i am sorry .....
i don't know what your daddy thinks
i cant say how he feels
but baby even if you didn't have him you will have me
baby i loved you before i was even sure you were there
you made me all fuzzy ...was that your way of telling me?

baby you will always be my first
i will never let anyone take that away
i already allowed them to take you
i am so sorry i am such a bad person
i wanted to keep u so bad but i didn't think i was strong enough
i doubted myself, made myself weak
i feel so empty now...even worst when i am not sure your daddy is even with me
oh baby i love you ..

cant you ask god to come back
come back for a day
are u the one in my dreams?
is it you that i keep seeing?

i think i have one more thing to tell you
i am sorry...i know i was wrong to keep it all to myself
its eating away at me
i knew ...
i am sorry i knew and didn't say anything
i didn't want to face reality
i didn't want to know
but that day
i knew for sure you was apart of me
i didnt need a test to prove
our already formed bond was getting stronger
i couldn't hide it anymore
baby i cant blame what i did on anyone but myself
but how do i explain to the love of my life that i wanted to go against him
how was i going to explain the one thing he didn't want was here?
i now know that i would rather explain that than be missing you
i am worst than my own mother
i said i was better but i am not
but i had the choice and i choose myself over you
i am sorry my mind is like broken glass
my heart is like shattered mirror
i am bleeding to death in my mind
i am dying without you
you may not understand what i am feeling
but when i took your life i became a killer

Your daddy said you were a boy
I didnt choose but now i know you are my little Angel


Saturday, December 26, 2009

Lets Plan on Forever

You have become my world
You became a part of me
You became a part of my dreams

Fell so hard and survived
Don't ever want to go back
Want to do this forever

Why not Dream with me
Why not chase the moon with me
Why not plan with me

I never planned on you
Never planned on falling
Never dreamed i could feel this way

I never knew i could care so much
Never knew i could love so much
Never Knew how much you make me happy

No matter what happens
Once i see you everything Melts
You are my kryptonite

I am so much better now
I can commit to a task and complete it.
You keep me centered

When i feel like i am about to breakdown
You keep me together
You keep me strong

I didn't know i could be this nice
So calm and understanding
You make everything crystal clear

I feel so proud when i see you
I feel blessed
I feel like its right

I cant see my future without you
I cant see myself alone
It brings tears to my eyes just imagining if i lost you

This is all so new to me
I know i am different now
You do things to me i never felt before

I love your smile
That look in your eyes
When you look at me

When i am with you
I see no one else
Time stops

Nothing else matters
I don't care who wont like it
But you make me happy

I want to make you happy
I want to cook for you a whole lot more (lol)
I want to dance with you

I want to laugh with you
I want to hold you when you cry
I want to show you me

I want to share my memories
Want to share my culture
My passion, My all.

I want to take care of you when you are sick
I want to kiss you in the rain
I want to hold you when you cry

I don't care if you get dirty once in a while
I want to hug you even when you are sweaty or covered in paint
I want to get lost with you.

How do i live with it all?
Because i love you
I want to plan forever with you