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The past will always be inscribed in your life
The hurt
The pain
Love is my biggest fear
Falling to your tender touch and endless voice is a music box in my head
As the dancer goes around and around my thoughts storm about my mind
The right words are not here
I have babbled to my self a million times that you cannot be in love unless you with the person
But then it was so strong and so hard to hide but that was a fear I had overcome
What a task that was … to give up the one thing you wanted so much
Well a strong mind and strong will was all I needed
But it didn’t go away but got pushed in the back seat
Now that I have you where I want you
All for me and only me
I am trying to get all that back but it wont come back to me
But I have a want and need and drive to be all you need
I might sound demanding but
I want to give you all I have
I want to be the smile you put on your face
I want when you are with me it to be your favorite place
I want to be your hot summer day in august
I want to be your greatest lust
You are words to my song
Your name is the title and your kisses are the lyrics
Ok you what frig all I wrote in the top of this………
I don’t know what in the world to say but I am baffled and confused because I waited so long just to get you and I even convinced my self it would never happen. I know so many guys like you but I promised my self not to jump to anything and think you are like them because not everyone is what they look like and that’s judging a book by the cover. And don’t get me wrong I am not judging you; I really do want to share something great and worth while with you. But bear with me if I seem lost at times because I am still fighting my barrier to open up to you. I believe at this moment I am writing in circles but I don’t really care I will write until I get to what my point is. For one I am in love with you but I cannot say it or tell you that because it sounds not so logical at this moment. But I have to stay true and real to let you know what the vibes are. Anyone else in this world who does not think me and you is not a good idea can kiss my ass. I am not going to be controlled by the world and everything in it because what I want and I need I have and I don’t need them to try take it away. So many times I really believe I am dreaming but when I look around there are so many things telling me to stop letting my mind control me. But you are an enigma to me. I cannot figure you well at least I don’t know much about you but it’s the suspense and waiting to find out that makes it all worth doing. I am one of the girls who prove the 11th man theory...put me In a room with 10 guys who are talking to me giving me attention and never leave my side but then you walk in the 11th man…pays no attention to me, turn your back and ignore me and is having a conversation to someone else but all I want is to try and get your attention. I don’t want to be petted or have a bunch of people telling me I am pretty but I want the attention on the one man who didn’t even notice me when he walked in. I have no idea I if explained that properly but it’s the relative truth to what I wanted to say. I have so much more to tell but something’s are going to be held for now until you absorb all I just babbled on and on about.

The fear is not because of you but what I am

I have hated you for so many years
I waited countless hours for you to some what see your mistake was
You cannot come to realize you were wrong
You cannot own up to your own conscience
Don’t even come with the stupid excuse you seem to repeat each year
I am not a little girl
I can understand
Ill just laugh at the years I waited on you to own up to what you did
You still believe I have no clue what really happened
I know everything ever since the day I was born and before
The bars that hold me fast to this place will be broken soon
When I walk out I don’t want to even look back
I gave you too many years and time to do it right
Even when I am old enough I still allow you to treat me like you baby girl
But I am sorry to inform you
I am no child of yours
I see you keep trying to hold be back and keep me with you
But each day you give me a new reason to never return
I would like you to tell me how it feels when I leave and you never see me again
I pray to god your beloved son shower you with love for the rest of your love
And your precious baby girl don’t break your heart
But I will never let you control my life or even try to make a decision for me
I keep it real I became your personal maid I did not complain
But I know if I ever have a bad day or a problem in life you will never be the one I run to
I always dream of the day I attend your funeral and I eagerly anticipate its arrival
Tears that are like cloud fill your eyes when I break out of my shell
You are so afraid of what I am capable of
I see the fear in your eyes when you speak to me
You become amazed of how I grin when you yell
And how nice and tender I pretend to be
But the wrath that is hidden behind my voice is yet to come
Words are not enough for me to hurt you with
Temptation to show a preface of what is to come
But that alone is too strong
I can hurt you so deep you have no idea what you have created
But I assure you everything growing inside of me is all what you added each year
You wonder why I avoid you but you are too blind to see it’s not me
I am the wolf on the other side of the ice I slow await you arrival
That is if you make it across the thin ice…….
‘’lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference’’
May the anguish in my youth not pass on to my offspring’s in the future
May this not be apart of their lives
May you not be apart of them
Let the strength of my will power guide me through my life
I promise you I will become a perfect example of what you cannot be
And who you will never become
Let me become the female you suppress
The same one you fear
The one that will kill you without even touching a strand of your hair

The last Goodbye

The last goodbye

Time was held in the palm of his hands
Like rain drops falling off a leaf
My body froze as I think of him more

My heart beats faintly
As I hold in my grief and pain
My head becomes light
And my eyes become glass

The reality I was faced with was too painful
To think of
Never to look in his hypnotic eyes
His tender cold lips against mine
The magnetic force pulling me into his arms
His angelic musical voice dazzling me
To be cradled in his protective arms

To live without him is being dead
No reason to go on
Nothing to wake up to
Knowing he will not be there in his ultimate perfection
Well now reality is gone
Lost in a world trapped in his love
To loose it is loosing the atmosphere
No oxygen I die slowly with every memory
Piercing my heart

As my blood curdles his lust to taste me
Is a wish I would grant
If I am to die he should have his will

I am dead without him
I am not complete
But here in his arms now is a moment I wont let slip away
Every second every day
I cherish to the end

CONFUSION

I wait in desperate want
My body calling
I wonder if I am on your mind
Your smile got me high
Want to be the game you are playing
Want you make me soar like a bird over open shores
I go crazy you cannot come out of my mind
Wanting everything packaged in your suit
Ultimate sexy have me waiting
Begging to be a cloud in the sky
I am hyperventilating
I am loosing my mind
With everything around me moving so fast
Frozen to one spot anxious for something to happen
I am thinking what to do
Should I tell you how I am going crazy?
Should I tell you how I feel?
I am avoiding having the situation get out of control
But what am I do when you keep invading my mind?
My nights have become sleepless
I jump at the buzz of my phone or messenger
I am so very concerned if I let my self fall to you
I will pull away
I am so concerned how its going to look and you know very well why
I don’t want to let this pass but I really need to get it together
Temptation to stare into your hypnotic eyes
The magnetic force that draws me to you
But for how long can I pull away
How long can I fight and suppress feelings that are stronger than I am?
How could heaven make someone so much like an angel?

TWILIGHT

A secret never to be told
Hidden in my heart
Kills me each day
Suspense of the event of any reaction
Towards my day to day hidden blush

Conversations left with a hanging sentence
Gives a feeling of being incomplete
Utterance of the truth slips out
But are drawn back to my soul
Leaving me with a reason to linger on in thought

Silent whispers flow in the air
But are shunned by my need to hide
Walls of bricks are built around me
Giving me need to break them down
Need to express this feeling
That, if known earlier
Shatter the whole reason to hide them
Changing the context of them completely

Timing a very important factor
Complete confidence
I dig deep into my soul
For the courage to face this
Enigma

Moral want to understand
Every feature and every flaw
Surges of fear flush down my spine
With shyness my face turns pink

I embrace him with some
Thought he might feel me against
Him more than just a hug
Maybe my fear of him
Noticing that I cringed towards him for an extra second
Then quickly shy away

Thoughts storm about my head
Hoping he doesn’t think I am weird

My heart skips a beat each time I see you
Yet still I cannot seem to tell you how I feel
Still confused to if this is real!

But I cannot help but admire the stars in his eyes
His precious lips utter words so gentle
A boy so beautiful I have never seen before
I cannot help but to stare
Into the twilight of his eyes

Lacainne Russell

when you where mine

It was not long ago
when memories were made
laughter was everywhere
when wrong could be forgiven

I cant find a reason to let go
even tho i am not what your dreams are made of
without you its not worth living alone

Sometimes i scream out your name
what right is there for them to take you away?
after you were mine for so long?

Removed all the pictures
its was a time of love and laughter
happy ever after

Even though the pictures are not there
please tell me she is not real
and you are coming home

So many times i wake up at night
what right is there to take you heart away?
what was the reason?

I keep wishing that time would erase these lonely tears
my heart is in second place without you
seems it was easy but i never looked beyond the fog

I have lost my way
i cant find a reason to hang on
i cant find an answer to the questions

The pictures on the wall
looks at me with reasons
my head tries to convince my heart

But will it be forever
not knowing what tomorrow will be
knowing you love has ended