50 Promises

I promise to laugh
I promise to cry
I promise to give
I promise to take
I promise to be here
I promise never to leave
I promise to listen
I promise to support you
I promise to be fair
I promise not to keep secrets
I promise to tell the truth
I promise to care
I promise to pay attention
I promise to be open minded
I promise to share my all
I promise be there when it rains
I promise to share a smile
I promise to respect you
I promise to do things the right way
I promise to be your best friend
I promise to trust you
I promise to compromise
I promise I will always listen
I promise to share your fears
I promise to finish what ever I started
I promise to dream with you
I promise to go where ever you go
I promise to learn new things
I promise to wipe each tear away
I promise to mean each kiss
I promise to always say sorry even if I was wrong
I promise to share your sorrow
I promise to be strong
I promise to never take you for granted
I promise to never loose faith
I promise to never let you feel alone
I promise to shelter you from the storm
I promise to work our problems out
I promise to be your partner alone
I promise to be here when you fall to catch you
I promise to be sincere
I promise to keep all my promises
I promise to be honest and true
I promise to never stop loving you

It’s why I love you

The way you make funny moves with your face
Or when you play it off when you ignore me
The way you roll your eyes when you feel my gaze
I hate the way you lick your lips when I come up close
I hate the way you stare at me
I hate it so much when you laugh at what ever I do
But this is why I love you
I hate so many things that you do but I don’t hate you
I love when you sit and let me stare without asking
I love when you kiss my lips goodbye and not my cheek
I love the way you search my eyes.
I hope you find what you were looking for in them for you always seem to smile. When I left you, that’s when I didn’t have much to say but that’s when I knew I loved you. Words couldn’t explain how I felt, and there is nothing you can do to change my mind. Ill try if you try, ill make this promise tonight…you can count on me for life, the more I learn the more I want, until my heart has had enough that’s when I am going to love you. I love you more than you ever know, these words are like orchids delicate and rare and even when you cant feel what I do…ill always love you.

Take me as i am........

Take me as I am…
I have given my all
I still don’t understand
Why can’t a dream come through?
The freedom in your arms
The hope that moves me
The wind playing across my face
Time adds to this flame
The more you push me away the more I am drawn to you
I am not the angel on the tree
I just wish your choice was me
I need you like water
Take my hand
Look into my eyes and let me know the truth
How you feel and what you see
Hold me when I cry
Listen to my thoughts
Come to my rescue and stand by me
For deep down ever since the night we met the safest place
I feel is in your arms with you…..

Its you

Its you
I keep on wondering if you will ever come through
I cannot stop thinking caught up
I keep thinking I am just running behind a dream
I was even thinking if this was wasting time
But I wasn’t seeing any signs
Was it because you were on your grind?
I go out with ma girls
Trying to have a good time,
Took a quick trip to erase you
But all I can see is the color of your eyes
And the thought of how you make me smile
But this is an illusion
Causing pure confusion
I am breaking apart
And you are leaving footprints on my heart
I leave a million messages
Telling you how much I miss you
Voicemails going crazy
Just wanting to know you ok
But am I doing too much?
What is the issue?
This is something I am not into
Breaking apart by doing too much…..

How do i breathe?

How do I breathe?
I am walking away
With no oxygen around me
I turn around to run back to you
But you are not there
I am consumed by fear
If I stay here it will be too late
I will die before you realize what happened
Now the pieces of my heart spell s.o.s
I saw your soul right through your eyes
I joined in your aura with your kiss
My love poured out like water
I am going to drown without you
How do I breathe?
Between the lines, between wrong and right
A tear on this page
Please go against the odds
For what is true
Your eyes already captured me
Her I am I can’t breathe with out you
In your arms I am dying
What are you doing?

It courses through my veins

Like liquid fire

I cannot stop it

It is my hearts utmost desire

A bullet to kill

your guts I spill your slaughter ,

my brutal oath

serpent I am

Enter my Eden

The garden is yours

The fruit of my body

Bloody and abused Black and blue

Beaten and screwed

like a whore

Take a sip of the devils blood

A goat I am,

Drunken and stoned

Death with pleasure,

A thrill I kill for

A gun in my hand blow your fucking brains out

Brutal slaughtering of my evil vow

Destruction and power will be mine

this is my hour

Bloody kill

Death to the pitiful and weak

Only a bullet from my gun will speak

Wrenched whore

drain away your wealth with my violent substance

Hacking away at the flesh of a beast

you are too weak,

beating on you for a week

Hatred consumed for my little whore

take your death like a good dog

Nothing more then an empty shell I don’t care

I will kill

Death will spill all over the land

A brand to make,

A shot to take

Drunken and stoned

A gun in my hand blow your brains out

Little whore you are too fucking weak

Only a bullet through your dome will speak

??????????

The past will always be inscribed in your life
The hurt
The pain
Love is my biggest fear
Falling to your tender touch and endless voice is a music box in my head
As the dancer goes around and around my thoughts storm about my mind
The right words are not here
I have babbled to my self a million times that you cannot be in love unless you with the person
But then it was so strong and so hard to hide but that was a fear I had overcome
What a task that was … to give up the one thing you wanted so much
Well a strong mind and strong will was all I needed
But it didn’t go away but got pushed in the back seat
Now that I have you where I want you
All for me and only me
I am trying to get all that back but it wont come back to me
But I have a want and need and drive to be all you need
I might sound demanding but
I want to give you all I have
I want to be the smile you put on your face
I want when you are with me it to be your favorite place
I want to be your hot summer day in august
I want to be your greatest lust
You are words to my song
Your name is the title and your kisses are the lyrics
Ok you what frig all I wrote in the top of this………
I don’t know what in the world to say but I am baffled and confused because I waited so long just to get you and I even convinced my self it would never happen. I know so many guys like you but I promised my self not to jump to anything and think you are like them because not everyone is what they look like and that’s judging a book by the cover. And don’t get me wrong I am not judging you; I really do want to share something great and worth while with you. But bear with me if I seem lost at times because I am still fighting my barrier to open up to you. I believe at this moment I am writing in circles but I don’t really care I will write until I get to what my point is. For one I am in love with you but I cannot say it or tell you that because it sounds not so logical at this moment. But I have to stay true and real to let you know what the vibes are. Anyone else in this world who does not think me and you is not a good idea can kiss my ass. I am not going to be controlled by the world and everything in it because what I want and I need I have and I don’t need them to try take it away. So many times I really believe I am dreaming but when I look around there are so many things telling me to stop letting my mind control me. But you are an enigma to me. I cannot figure you well at least I don’t know much about you but it’s the suspense and waiting to find out that makes it all worth doing. I am one of the girls who prove the 11th man theory...put me In a room with 10 guys who are talking to me giving me attention and never leave my side but then you walk in the 11th man…pays no attention to me, turn your back and ignore me and is having a conversation to someone else but all I want is to try and get your attention. I don’t want to be petted or have a bunch of people telling me I am pretty but I want the attention on the one man who didn’t even notice me when he walked in. I have no idea I if explained that properly but it’s the relative truth to what I wanted to say. I have so much more to tell but something’s are going to be held for now until you absorb all I just babbled on and on about.

The fear is not because of you but what I am

I have hated you for so many years
I waited countless hours for you to some what see your mistake was
You cannot come to realize you were wrong
You cannot own up to your own conscience
Don’t even come with the stupid excuse you seem to repeat each year
I am not a little girl
I can understand
Ill just laugh at the years I waited on you to own up to what you did
You still believe I have no clue what really happened
I know everything ever since the day I was born and before
The bars that hold me fast to this place will be broken soon
When I walk out I don’t want to even look back
I gave you too many years and time to do it right
Even when I am old enough I still allow you to treat me like you baby girl
But I am sorry to inform you
I am no child of yours
I see you keep trying to hold be back and keep me with you
But each day you give me a new reason to never return
I would like you to tell me how it feels when I leave and you never see me again
I pray to god your beloved son shower you with love for the rest of your love
And your precious baby girl don’t break your heart
But I will never let you control my life or even try to make a decision for me
I keep it real I became your personal maid I did not complain
But I know if I ever have a bad day or a problem in life you will never be the one I run to
I always dream of the day I attend your funeral and I eagerly anticipate its arrival
Tears that are like cloud fill your eyes when I break out of my shell
You are so afraid of what I am capable of
I see the fear in your eyes when you speak to me
You become amazed of how I grin when you yell
And how nice and tender I pretend to be
But the wrath that is hidden behind my voice is yet to come
Words are not enough for me to hurt you with
Temptation to show a preface of what is to come
But that alone is too strong
I can hurt you so deep you have no idea what you have created
But I assure you everything growing inside of me is all what you added each year
You wonder why I avoid you but you are too blind to see it’s not me
I am the wolf on the other side of the ice I slow await you arrival
That is if you make it across the thin ice…….
‘’lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference’’
May the anguish in my youth not pass on to my offspring’s in the future
May this not be apart of their lives
May you not be apart of them
Let the strength of my will power guide me through my life
I promise you I will become a perfect example of what you cannot be
And who you will never become
Let me become the female you suppress
The same one you fear
The one that will kill you without even touching a strand of your hair

The last Goodbye

The last goodbye

Time was held in the palm of his hands
Like rain drops falling off a leaf
My body froze as I think of him more

My heart beats faintly
As I hold in my grief and pain
My head becomes light
And my eyes become glass

The reality I was faced with was too painful
To think of
Never to look in his hypnotic eyes
His tender cold lips against mine
The magnetic force pulling me into his arms
His angelic musical voice dazzling me
To be cradled in his protective arms

To live without him is being dead
No reason to go on
Nothing to wake up to
Knowing he will not be there in his ultimate perfection
Well now reality is gone
Lost in a world trapped in his love
To loose it is loosing the atmosphere
No oxygen I die slowly with every memory
Piercing my heart

As my blood curdles his lust to taste me
Is a wish I would grant
If I am to die he should have his will

I am dead without him
I am not complete
But here in his arms now is a moment I wont let slip away
Every second every day
I cherish to the end

CONFUSION

I wait in desperate want
My body calling
I wonder if I am on your mind
Your smile got me high
Want to be the game you are playing
Want you make me soar like a bird over open shores
I go crazy you cannot come out of my mind
Wanting everything packaged in your suit
Ultimate sexy have me waiting
Begging to be a cloud in the sky
I am hyperventilating
I am loosing my mind
With everything around me moving so fast
Frozen to one spot anxious for something to happen
I am thinking what to do
Should I tell you how I am going crazy?
Should I tell you how I feel?
I am avoiding having the situation get out of control
But what am I do when you keep invading my mind?
My nights have become sleepless
I jump at the buzz of my phone or messenger
I am so very concerned if I let my self fall to you
I will pull away
I am so concerned how its going to look and you know very well why
I don’t want to let this pass but I really need to get it together
Temptation to stare into your hypnotic eyes
The magnetic force that draws me to you
But for how long can I pull away
How long can I fight and suppress feelings that are stronger than I am?
How could heaven make someone so much like an angel?

TWILIGHT

A secret never to be told
Hidden in my heart
Kills me each day
Suspense of the event of any reaction
Towards my day to day hidden blush

Conversations left with a hanging sentence
Gives a feeling of being incomplete
Utterance of the truth slips out
But are drawn back to my soul
Leaving me with a reason to linger on in thought

Silent whispers flow in the air
But are shunned by my need to hide
Walls of bricks are built around me
Giving me need to break them down
Need to express this feeling
That, if known earlier
Shatter the whole reason to hide them
Changing the context of them completely

Timing a very important factor
Complete confidence
I dig deep into my soul
For the courage to face this
Enigma

Moral want to understand
Every feature and every flaw
Surges of fear flush down my spine
With shyness my face turns pink

I embrace him with some
Thought he might feel me against
Him more than just a hug
Maybe my fear of him
Noticing that I cringed towards him for an extra second
Then quickly shy away

Thoughts storm about my head
Hoping he doesn’t think I am weird

My heart skips a beat each time I see you
Yet still I cannot seem to tell you how I feel
Still confused to if this is real!

But I cannot help but admire the stars in his eyes
His precious lips utter words so gentle
A boy so beautiful I have never seen before
I cannot help but to stare
Into the twilight of his eyes

Lacainne Russell

when you where mine

It was not long ago
when memories were made
laughter was everywhere
when wrong could be forgiven

I cant find a reason to let go
even tho i am not what your dreams are made of
without you its not worth living alone

Sometimes i scream out your name
what right is there for them to take you away?
after you were mine for so long?

Removed all the pictures
its was a time of love and laughter
happy ever after

Even though the pictures are not there
please tell me she is not real
and you are coming home

So many times i wake up at night
what right is there to take you heart away?
what was the reason?

I keep wishing that time would erase these lonely tears
my heart is in second place without you
seems it was easy but i never looked beyond the fog

I have lost my way
i cant find a reason to hang on
i cant find an answer to the questions

The pictures on the wall
looks at me with reasons
my head tries to convince my heart

But will it be forever
not knowing what tomorrow will be
knowing you love has ended

I am saying sorry

I'm saying sorry first
I'm saying sorry last
I'm saying sorry for the future
but mainly for the past

I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you
and I'm sorry for not listening when you needed it the most
you were right
and you had the right to be mad

I'm sorry that you felt the need to apologize
and I'm sorry that you were hurt
I'm sorry that I can only see the good
and always try to avoid the bad

I'm saying sorry for all my mistakes
I'm saying sorry for being blinded
blinded by the perfect thought of you and me
when really we don’t have a chance

I'm the stupid one
I let you down
and I feel it deep within me

We both made some errors
and said something wrong
but that’s how life is
Nobody's perfect not even me and you
so I'm sorry for that too
And I'm sorry for everything but ...
Please forgive me We can change things back to normal
I'm sorry if this is not what you want
But it’s the only thing I can think of

To my unborn child

I write from here on from the truth in my heart and the depths of my soul, to you a blessing that was bestowed upon me.
You came into me, a new life, so true and complete.
I never dreamt it would be this way,
How could I have been chosen to bear such wonder?
A blessing beyond imagination, could I ever ask for more?
You came to me in my dreams and you my little angel so small and sweet, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, a smile so radiant and eyes so deep I saw your father right through you.
My precious child as I drift and wonder what it would be like to meet you for the first time, your tiny hands so small and soft and delicate like an orchid in may.
You are my angel, my heart, my baby…. God gave you to me to love and care for until you left and that so I did and even when you left I never stopped loving you so that when you come again you will be a living proof of the love your father and I shared.
Sweet child I pray god bless you with your fathers eyes to see the world with all things wise,
I pray you inherit my ability to plan for what is far away but yet close, so you will be prepared for the things in life whether man or woman.
I pray you receive you father’s centre and be cautious in every door you enter with my spirit that you will let no one take from you and my curiosity, just like me to blurt a bundle of questions.
Have my big heart and your father’s discernment so you know when to let go before getting hurt.
Share the strength of your father to handle what you feel, and share my sense of humor and laugh alot it helps in life and still have your father’s duty to know when to be serious.
I am emotional so it’s ok to cry sometime but always remember your father and I will always be here to dry your tears.

Until you return my child I pray everyday as you play among the clouds you will be protected by our love and be blessed with all that your father and I have given unto you.

Tu amor

through the rain you cannot see my tears..you cannot see them but baby i am willing to go to the ends of the earth to be with you no matter what happens i will always love you..even when death is upon us my heart will still long for you..i have never found love on a level so high and we both have it so strong i hate to loose it...you have changed me..to someone i dont even reconise my self...this girl is so amazing..your name is written across my heart with your love.. tu amor

I am watching you

On a big white cloud i sit looking down at you...laughing at how you try to climb up cannot reach i spread my wings and roam about then pick you up...and take you with me higher than the clouds..touching the stars and waving to the moon....as we pass we leave a faint stain across the sky our love reginin over the earth ...and i put u back where u were and again sit upon the clouds and watch you decide to scale the clouds or use the stairs?

WHERE IS MY HEART

The faint beat of my heart is about to go and the soft breath left in me goes and i cease to survive my wilterin rose will die for the petals are falling and no one is picking them up?

He awaits my arrival

taking baby steps, i climb up a mountain of feelings i hav for you, taking each into consideration, embracing every moment of thought i colide with, realizing how much every second counts....reaching the top, i await your arrival with open arms and a heart, one beat extra just for you...in my mind you stay like a plague, theres nothin i can do but accept that fact im falling for you. Would i ever get this feeling back in return...i stay awaitin your arrival...if needs be on top of that mountain waitin for eternity just to share that special moment with you

Where do you go from here? What do you? What is your choice?

This article today is one of my deepest ever, i had to read over the others to make sure my nerve's can let me express what i am feeling. Well here it is....

There you are, going through your daily routine,
along comes someone you don't really notice but yet they are there. You share laughs and exchange views, thoughts and whatever possible. Doing all of this you had no idea that somewhere down the line you will fall in love with this person. At first everything is neutral but as time goes by you seem to draw more towards them.
Everything goes well after the Cinderella story and you are the happiest couple ever. Arguments become tiny things you breeze through them like ABC'S, then all of a sudden when it seems as if your life could not be more perfect the worst thing happens. You find faults with your significant other and then you just want to put them out. Clear them out of you life, attempt to avoid hurting them but even though you are very careful you mange to break them like a valuable crystal. Everything else in your world is at the top but you cannot seem to climb up and be there with them you want to stay at the bottom with your heart and try to find crazy glue and put it back together as quick as possible. Adding crazy glue only made it worst you added pieces that were never even there. This only makes matters worst you begin to build a wall that in the long run you are going to have to climb to get up to your mountain. Words become swords and each one pierce you so deep you drain almost to death. The love that was created with your other is stronger than your walls and bigger than your mountain but you cannot seem to tap into it long enough to over your mountain and break down your wall. But what you both fail to realise is that none of you can over come the obstacle in your way unless you do it together. And my question Where do you go from here? Well my personal answer is team up and face each others trials together, be there for each other and even when you both cannot see the clear picture of how just try and you will see the smoke clear away. This also answered question two what to do? Be their, be a shoulder, give an ear, even if you are far apart keep a solid communication and you will be amazed what will happen. Now i am asking my third question what is your choice? Well my choice is to try and see what happens after i try question one and two. Until then i am done..



love is laughter
love is tears
love is sleeping on the couch
love is respect
love waking up and wishing for a good morning
and before you know it you smile because there it is,
love is waiting all day by the phone,
even though you know they wont call,

its an obsession,
a poem
a Corny rhyme just to make you smile
its the things you want it to be
and i want my love to be just what it wants
i want to give love as wide as the ocean and never ending like of the blue in the sky
but i also want to receive love no exactly as how i give but how they would like to get it

Baby i know i piss you off so many times n act a fool but when i fool can find true love it make him wiser than a rich bachelor