DEEP DOWN

Forever After

2010-06-21T19:29:00.000-07:00

white picket fences
big bright sunflowers
bright red roses
green lawn and big white house

poofy wedding dress
curly long tendrils
huge cake with lilies and orchids
little girls with baskets filled with rose petals

big chocolate brown eyes
tiny little fingers and toes
straight little pink nose
bright yellow sundress spinning around

baking for a dozen
picking up balls and cleats
driving back and forth everyday
feeding and walking them too

laughing and crying for silly things
stopping and breathing
appreciating and watching the grass grow
being there no matter the cost

if you are never there
i would not do these things
if you are not here
there are people that i wont ever get to meet

Todays world

2010-03-17T09:22:00.000-07:00

people take the ones the care about for granted

we beleive that because they love us that they will never leave

but like most times they hurt us...break us and leave us

like always we never really learn from our mistakes

we go back and we love again and we hurt again
most people never get enough pain to make them stronger
so like the next 40% of females we become submissive to the males
but i am not gonna be broken
because i been hurt so much that i have learned
to get up brush off my pain
and hold my head up
i dont hate the people that hurt me
that will only give them power
for i belong to no one but god
i forgave everyone
and now i have freed myself from the hurt and the torture and the pain
i am a free woman
i am a virtious woman
i am free
i am love
i am what i should be and more
no female should be hurt
non should let another break her
for she is the mother of the earth
she nurtures life and help us to grow
she is to be saved
to be honored
for without here we have no world at all
a woman gave birth to jesus and gave birth to a savior

What i See...Only God knows

2010-01-24T18:11:00.000-08:00

I noticed that you have changed
We don't talk the way we used to
The connection is fading
Ever since that day

I saw the look in your eyes
The shadow lurking
I know deep down within
But i refuse to believe it

The way you touch me
Its not the same
The way you kiss me
Its not the same

Its a game
But i don't want to play
Its all so wrong
But i just don't care

Its only so much i can bear
I am surprised i don't have any fear
Maybe its because the truth is near
I wont ever ask
That my love isn't my task

My love will forever last
But its up to you
To say the thing i want to hear
To defy you, oh my love i would never dear

It is true my love i really do care
And i know that you know
That this may go against me
But my love i am still here

I have faith in you
I trust that you have faith in yourself
I trust that you may do whats right
God knows why

He knows why he gives me strength
God knows why i have faith
God knows why i try
And god knows why i cry

God knows why we met
God knows which path is set
God knows why i don't fret
God knows why i would give you my last breath

He knows why i love you
He knows why i am here
He knows why i care
He knows that what i say is true

God knows why i am in your life
He knows why he let me loose my beloved
God knows why i feel so much pain
He knows who will be your wife

I haven't figured it out yet
But he takes my fears away
He wont let me fail
He wont let me be chosen by dismay

He comforts me
He sends his angels to wipe my tears away
He reminds me of my mistakes
Now i have Atonement

To him i owe a child
To him i owe my life
To him i owe my soul
To him i owe my heart

But here in my human life
I owe nothing
I wish for nothing
I have mortal dreams

I see what he wants me to see
I opened my eyes
Now don't be afraid
He will help you

He will give you strength
Tell him your fears
He will show you the way
Listen and you will hear him speak

i can use somebody

2010-01-07T14:26:00.000-08:00

dont hold on too tight
things is this world
they never stay with us

why do we hold on to things
things that are not important?
why do we let the valuable ones go?

why dont we get a second chance?
why cant we change time
wht cant we go back and do it over?

the most beautiful things in life
always start out ugly
then grow into the most beautiful things in life

i feel broken...hopeless
i feel lost
who do i confide in?
who do i lean on when i cant find the strength?
i feel like i cant write anymore
i have no motivation
i no need
i just feel like such a bad person

solitude

2009-12-27T22:30:00.000-08:00

ill never be the same
lost in the darkness
i was abandoned by the people i loved
left to suffer and hurt

you look at me
but you dont see me
you dont see my heart

its right there on the floor
i needed you
but the world needed you more

yes my heart is on the floor
i already stepped into the black door
i am being eaten alive by my own fears
and still nobody cares

its like being buried alive
i am screaming and no one hears
i am being over looked

never again will i be the same
i am dead now
i am gone
its too late

even if i recover ill forever remember
i hope you never forget it either
i lived for you.

i was never the same when she died
a part of me became filled with sorrow
filled with pain

and now here i am
i am covered in my own blood
my heart is on the floor and i need u
the knife you used to hurt me is still in your hands
yet no blood as touched your white shirt
my heart is on the floor
i need you more than ever
i need you to save me
if you dont save me
ill forever be lost in solitude
i need u more than ever please
everywhere i look i see you...
i need you
i need you
i need you to love me
i need you to save me
i need you ........................

A love letter to my precious Angel

2009-12-27T14:45:00.000-08:00

so small so special
so innocent
my angel

my baby i hurt you
baby i am so sorry
i wasn't thinking about you
i was being selfish

i only wanted out
i did it the easy way
now i am suffering
i am being tortured

baby i am so sorry
i am so very hurt
i am so very very sorry
i was stupid

baby i cry for you each day
its like i am fighting a battle i wont win
i didn't fight for you
i didn't try hard enough
i am sorry, i didn't believe in myself
i didn't think i would have been strong enough

i wish i can take it all back
i wish i can rewind time
i wish i could do it in slow motion
i miss you baby i do i really do

i wanted to meet you
i wanted to see your eyes
i wanted to listen to your Lil fluttering heart beat
baby i wanted to kiss your fingers
but i am so weak ...i submitted to defeat....

baby i want to hear your voice
i didn't make the right choice
baby you would have been the lesson i needed
now i wont learn what i needed
i wont ever find out what was going to be
baby why cant u come back to me?

i deserve all the misfortune in this world
i deserve to loose all i have
i deserve to be in pain
i deserve to be tortured
i deserve to loose your dads love

you needed me to be strong
you needed me to love you enough to keep you
you needed me to love you to fight for you
we would have been just fine
i was too afraid, i am sorry

oh i miss the beat of your tiny heart
i miss orange soda
i gave up an opportunity so grand
i gave up the chance to meet you
to kiss your tiny hands
look into your beautiful eyes
i bet they would have been chocolate like your dads

oh baby i am sorry
i would trade my happiness and comfort
to have one chance to meet you
i would trade my life for yours
i didn't want the pain
but living with this hurt and loss is far worst than before
i would trade it all my child i would

baby i love you
i am sorry i didn't love you enough
i am sorry .....
i don't know what your daddy thinks
i cant say how he feels
but baby even if you didn't have him you will have me
baby i loved you before i was even sure you were there
you made me all fuzzy ...was that your way of telling me?

baby you will always be my first
i will never let anyone take that away
i already allowed them to take you
i am so sorry i am such a bad person
i wanted to keep u so bad but i didn't think i was strong enough
i doubted myself, made myself weak
i feel so empty now...even worst when i am not sure your daddy is even with me
oh baby i love you ..

cant you ask god to come back
come back for a day
are u the one in my dreams?
is it you that i keep seeing?

i think i have one more thing to tell you
i am sorry...i know i was wrong to keep it all to myself
its eating away at me
i knew ...
i am sorry i knew and didn't say anything
i didn't want to face reality
i didn't want to know
but that day
i knew for sure you was apart of me
i didnt need a test to prove
our already formed bond was getting stronger
i couldn't hide it anymore
baby i cant blame what i did on anyone but myself
but how do i explain to the love of my life that i wanted to go against him
how was i going to explain the one thing he didn't want was here?
i now know that i would rather explain that than be missing you
i am worst than my own mother
i said i was better but i am not
but i had the choice and i choose myself over you
i am sorry my mind is like broken glass
my heart is like shattered mirror
i am bleeding to death in my mind
i am dying without you
you may not understand what i am feeling
but when i took your life i became a killer

Your daddy said you were a boy
I didnt choose but now i know you are my little Angel

Micheal
101109

Lets Plan on Forever

2009-12-26T18:34:00.000-08:00

You have become my world
You became a part of me
You became a part of my dreams

Fell so hard and survived
Don't ever want to go back
Want to do this forever

Why not Dream with me
Why not chase the moon with me
Why not plan with me

I never planned on you
Never planned on falling
Never dreamed i could feel this way

I never knew i could care so much
Never knew i could love so much
Never Knew how much you make me happy

No matter what happens
Once i see you everything Melts
You are my kryptonite

I am so much better now
I can commit to a task and complete it.
You keep me centered

When i feel like i am about to breakdown
You keep me together
You keep me strong

I didn't know i could be this nice
So calm and understanding
You make everything crystal clear

I feel so proud when i see you
I feel blessed
I feel like its right

I cant see my future without you
I cant see myself alone
It brings tears to my eyes just imagining if i lost you

This is all so new to me
I know i am different now
You do things to me i never felt before

I love your smile
That look in your eyes
When you look at me

When i am with you
I see no one else
Time stops

Nothing else matters
I don't care who wont like it
But you make me happy

I want to make you happy
I want to cook for you a whole lot more (lol)
I want to dance with you

I want to laugh with you
I want to hold you when you cry
I want to show you me

I want to share my memories
Want to share my culture
My passion, My all.

I want to take care of you when you are sick
I want to kiss you in the rain
I want to hold you when you cry

I don't care if you get dirty once in a while
I want to hug you even when you are sweaty or covered in paint
I want to get lost with you.

How do i live with it all?
Because i love you
I want to plan forever with you

Broken promises

2009-12-19T08:18:00.000-08:00

don't make me any promises
don't say we can be
don't say its will always be me
don't say you love me
don't say you are mine
don't say you will never leave

promises you made me believe in
promises that made me weak
promises that broke me
nothing but broken promises

dont say you will stay
dont say u wont change
dont say i can be your wife
cuz id never fit into your life

how could i let this happen
i gave you all of me
i gave you my heart
i gave you the best of me

tears, screams, whimpers
yells, whispers, sobs

cries in the dark
soundless cries

it hurts so much
it hurts to know that its all a lie
it hurts to know that i didnt know
it hurts to know you knew

i cant stop the tears
my mind betrayed my heart
i walked right into my death willingly
i cry for you so much you will never understand

i walked into it but it broke my heart
i never knew such pain
my greatest fear
i been sleeping with
i never knew such pain

i can take a stab a thousand times
i can take drowning
i can take getting shot
ill take it all a hundred times than to feel this pain
to be in such agony
ill take it all rather than this pain in my heart

i love you i love you so much
i truly love you
you make me stronger
i have never loved anyone the way that i love you
and i swear to god i will never love anyone the way i love you

Love Suicide

2009-12-03T17:40:00.000-08:00

You left but its like you still here
Why can i still feel you
Isnt this over?

Why do i feel this way?
I am confused
I dont know what i want

No I know what i want
I want to be happy
I dont want to be sad

Its like wanting poison that is bad for you
I am walking straight into my death
I am playing to win

If i win this game i wont get the prize i want
No matter what i do i will never get what i truly want

MAKE THEM STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP MY TEARS!!!!
TAKE AWAY MY PAIN PLEASE !!!

PLEASE

PLEASE..........

Its a death sentense
Its a set up to get hurt

(second voice) You are going to get hurt
(me) no i wont its love
(second voice) love is the mostly deadly poison every you will die!!

Maybe i want to die
Maybe i dont want to have anymore pain in this world
Maybe i wont have to cry anymore

I wont be chained anymore
LET ME GO!!!!
in the end i guess i have to fall

Will always find myself in the ashes no matter how much i try

Blinded by lust
Hindered by love
Death yet to arrive

He is

2009-05-27T19:25:00.000-07:00

I am happy
I am loved
I am beautiful
I am his

He is incredible
He is amazing
He is mine to keep
He is loved

He is not too much
He is not too little
He is just the way i want him to be
He is mine

His hair is soft
His lips are warm
His arms are welcoming
His eyes are mirrors of our lives

His voice is soothing to my ache
His touch is comforting
His stare is Admiring
His presence is intense

And i love it and i want it all

Death is Pleasing To the Killer

2009-05-13T19:59:00.000-07:00

Walking towards me
My feet slightly apart
Gun in hand gripped firmly
Everything slows down

My mind is suddenly clear
Every movement is suddenly in sight
Every sound is pronounced
My body is suddenly cold
And it feels great
- CLICK- safety off now
I wonder to myself
Would i really pull the trigger?

YES

There he stood with blood
smeared all over himself
Blood dripping from his fingers

A faint thud

There is no hope
I stand with my gun in hand
Already drifted to that place
Where i could kill and feel
No regret, no hesitation
He held my heart in his hands

Thuds soo faintly

My heart is gone and so was his

(gun fire once)

The bullet went
Where i wanted it to go
The same place where
His went.......

Can You Walk A Mile In My Shoe?

2009-03-04T17:10:00.000-08:00

do you know what it feels like to be in pain 24/7's?
do you know what it feels like to be screaming and no one hears you?
do you know how it feels to have a head ache that never goes away at all?
do you know what it feels like to want your family and they cant be with you?
do you know what its like to have tears rolling down your cheeks and there is no one to wipe em away?
do you know what its like to feel like there is no love here?
do you know how it feels to be invisible?
ever felt like some one is choking you can you cant stop it?
ever felt like you cant breathe even when the fan is in your face?
ever felt like some has a knife piercing through your heart back and forth slowly?
ever had some one listen to your pain but they never really heard what you said?
do you know what its like to know the one you want the most doesn't even wanna see you?
do you really mean it when you say you live each day like its your last, but when you go to sleep you still think of thing you wanna do the next day...if you really live each day like its your last then you wouldn't be looking forward to the next.
do know how it feels to bottle up all your pain? afraid to tell anyone? not even god?
have you lost the one person who really understood you?
have you ever wanted sugar and got salt?
have you ever had everyone who cares around you and still be lonely?
have you ever felt hated by your own blood?
have you ever felt that the truth would kill you?
do you know what its like to want someone to hug you and tell you its going to be ok?
when was the last time someone held you and cried with you?
do you still have dreams? aspirations? goals? if you still do then you ain't ready to leave this world yet..

there is no medicine strong enough to take my pain away
there ain't no one who knows my pain
ain't no one who understands me
ain't no one gonna stand for my judgement
ain't no one gonna keep my heart beating for me
ain't no one gonna be able to put me together again
stopped dreaming on January 15, 2009...started accepting things in life and waiting for my expiration date

I Cherish You

2009-03-04T17:04:00.000-08:00

I have called your name over a hundred times already
you held my hand so i wouldn't fall
you waited an hour for me until i was ready
you always picked up not matter when i call
you wiped my tears
you waited at the bottom of the stairs
you help me get through my darkest fears
oh i cant explain it feels like years
you read my poem out loud
you remind me of the silver lining in each cloud
you gave me the benefit of the doubt
i adore you so much i just want to shout
tenderness and kindness you show
sympathy and love you give me when i am feeling low
how much you really, really care the world may never know
but i do...
because i cherish you
i love you
and everything that you do
stand by me forever they never thought
but i always knew
through thick and thin you would be there
with open arms and an ear
i feel so lucky to have you here
so many things went wrong
so many days that seemed so long
oh how i would seek comfort in our song
for when you are not here i don't feel as if i belong
you do not give me strength but you remind me that i am strong
heaven only knows the joy you bring to my life
the way you make me laugh
no price is fair enough if i had to purchase what you give
i don't wanna miss anything, life is too short not to live happy
even if not my best you still love me
and even when you are not with me i still love you
i believe in you
and everything you do
waking up to someone like you
its a great feeling, like i am renewed
i cherish you
for being you
and when the sun refuses to shine
i will cherish you
and when the moon turns black
i will always have your back
and when no one is around
i will be here
to cherish, love and care
i love you so much words are not enough to express ow happy i am
i thank god that he blessed me with you....

And So She Passed

2009-03-04T16:56:00.000-08:00

my voice is gone, i am trying to speak to you
but no matter how i try no sound is there
i am loosing my color, i am trying to touch you
but i cant find the strength to reach out
i am so pale, can you see me?
i am slowly fading, do you notice?
i cannot hear the sounds around me
only the slow beats of my heart
thudding so slowly, only a matter of time before it stops
my viison is decreasing rapidly
everything is a blurr
i cannot find my way home
my feet stumble againist each other
how can i find m way home?
my oxygen supply is running out
it feels like someone is choking me
gasp, gasp.....
its like all my senses are dead
i cant even smell
i am drowing in the stench of pain
the agonny of dying alone
how do i tell you i love you?
how do i stop this?
you are the cure to my sickness
can you see me to heal me?
do you care enough to help me?
are you so cold you will stand and watch me die?

[ news report just in]

Lacianne Chellcy Russell Martin was found dead at her home in the bahamas at around 5:35pm, tuesday november 4th, 2008, a note was found but with evidence found on arrival the words faded so faintly no one could comprehend what was written. the crime scene unit didnt bother to investigate for this case wasnt homocide or sucide but was of natural causes...post mortem reveals she died from a broken heart.

[breaking news*]

a call just came in..it was said that miss russell was at the doctor about an hour before her death, the doctor told us....''as i listened to her chest, i heard no weezing but i had to ask if she suffered from heart problems because of the rate her heart was beating. it was as if it was chasign somting. i went on to examine her further where i found signs of a chest infection. i wrote her a note to the pharmacy for treatment to begin immeaditly.'' it is believed that she was too far along to be saved...the medicine was no help at all....now the search begins for the person who broke her heart!!!

50 Promises

2008-09-15T19:36:00.000-07:00

I promise to laugh
I promise to cry
I promise to give
I promise to take
I promise to be here
I promise never to leave
I promise to listen
I promise to support you
I promise to be fair
I promise not to keep secrets
I promise to tell the truth
I promise to care
I promise to pay attention
I promise to be open minded
I promise to share my all
I promise be there when it rains
I promise to share a smile
I promise to respect you
I promise to do things the right way
I promise to be your best friend
I promise to trust you
I promise to compromise
I promise I will always listen
I promise to share your fears
I promise to finish what ever I started
I promise to dream with you
I promise to go where ever you go
I promise to learn new things
I promise to wipe each tear away
I promise to mean each kiss
I promise to always say sorry even if I was wrong
I promise to share your sorrow
I promise to be strong
I promise to never take you for granted
I promise to never loose faith
I promise to never let you feel alone
I promise to shelter you from the storm
I promise to work our problems out
I promise to be your partner alone
I promise to be here when you fall to catch you
I promise to be sincere
I promise to keep all my promises
I promise to be honest and true
I promise to never stop loving you

It’s why I love you

2008-05-22T18:55:00.000-07:00

The way you make funny moves with your face
Or when you play it off when you ignore me
The way you roll your eyes when you feel my gaze
I hate the way you lick your lips when I come up close
I hate the way you stare at me
I hate it so much when you laugh at what ever I do
But this is why I love you
I hate so many things that you do but I don’t hate you
I love when you sit and let me stare without asking
I love when you kiss my lips goodbye and not my cheek
I love the way you search my eyes.
I hope you find what you were looking for in them for you always seem to smile. When I left you, that’s when I didn’t have much to say but that’s when I knew I loved you. Words couldn’t explain how I felt, and there is nothing you can do to change my mind. Ill try if you try, ill make this promise tonight…you can count on me for life, the more I learn the more I want, until my heart has had enough that’s when I am going to love you. I love you more than you ever know, these words are like orchids delicate and rare and even when you cant feel what I do…ill always love you.

Take me as i am........

2008-04-20T19:27:00.000-07:00

Take me as I am…
I have given my all
I still don’t understand
Why can’t a dream come through?
The freedom in your arms
The hope that moves me
The wind playing across my face
Time adds to this flame
The more you push me away the more I am drawn to you
I am not the angel on the tree
I just wish your choice was me
I need you like water
Take my hand
Look into my eyes and let me know the truth
How you feel and what you see
Hold me when I cry
Listen to my thoughts
Come to my rescue and stand by me
For deep down ever since the night we met the safest place
I feel is in your arms with you…..

Its you

2008-04-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

Its you
I keep on wondering if you will ever come through
I cannot stop thinking caught up
I keep thinking I am just running behind a dream
I was even thinking if this was wasting time
But I wasn’t seeing any signs
Was it because you were on your grind?
I go out with ma girls
Trying to have a good time,
Took a quick trip to erase you
But all I can see is the color of your eyes
And the thought of how you make me smile
But this is an illusion
Causing pure confusion
I am breaking apart
And you are leaving footprints on my heart
I leave a million messages
Telling you how much I miss you
Voicemails going crazy
Just wanting to know you ok
But am I doing too much?
What is the issue?
This is something I am not into
Breaking apart by doing too much…..

How do i breathe?

2008-04-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

How do I breathe?
I am walking away
With no oxygen around me
I turn around to run back to you
But you are not there
I am consumed by fear
If I stay here it will be too late
I will die before you realize what happened
Now the pieces of my heart spell s.o.s
I saw your soul right through your eyes
I joined in your aura with your kiss
My love poured out like water
I am going to drown without you
How do I breathe?
Between the lines, between wrong and right
A tear on this page
Please go against the odds
For what is true
Your eyes already captured me
Her I am I can’t breathe with out you
In your arms I am dying
What are you doing?

2008-04-20T13:45:00.000-07:00

It courses through my veins

Like liquid fire

I cannot stop it

It is my hearts utmost desire

A bullet to kill

your guts I spill your slaughter ,

my brutal oath

serpent I am

Enter my Eden

The garden is yours

The fruit of my body

Bloody and abused Black and blue

Beaten and screwed

like a whore

Take a sip of the devils blood

A goat I am,

Drunken and stoned

Death with pleasure,

A thrill I kill for

A gun in my hand blow your fucking brains out

Brutal slaughtering of my evil vow

Destruction and power will be mine

this is my hour

Bloody kill

Death to the pitiful and weak

Only a bullet from my gun will speak

Wrenched whore

drain away your wealth with my violent substance

Hacking away at the flesh of a beast

you are too weak,

beating on you for a week

Hatred consumed for my little whore

take your death like a good dog

Nothing more then an empty shell I don’t care

I will kill

Death will spill all over the land

A brand to make,

A shot to take

Drunken and stoned

A gun in my hand blow your brains out

Little whore you are too fucking weak

Only a bullet through your dome will speak

??????????

2008-03-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

The past will always be inscribed in your life
The hurt
The pain
Love is my biggest fear
Falling to your tender touch and endless voice is a music box in my head
As the dancer goes around and around my thoughts storm about my mind
The right words are not here
I have babbled to my self a million times that you cannot be in love unless you with the person
But then it was so strong and so hard to hide but that was a fear I had overcome
What a task that was … to give up the one thing you wanted so much
Well a strong mind and strong will was all I needed
But it didn’t go away but got pushed in the back seat
Now that I have you where I want you
All for me and only me
I am trying to get all that back but it wont come back to me
But I have a want and need and drive to be all you need
I might sound demanding but
I want to give you all I have
I want to be the smile you put on your face
I want when you are with me it to be your favorite place
I want to be your hot summer day in august
I want to be your greatest lust
You are words to my song
Your name is the title and your kisses are the lyrics
Ok you what frig all I wrote in the top of this………
I don’t know what in the world to say but I am baffled and confused because I waited so long just to get you and I even convinced my self it would never happen. I know so many guys like you but I promised my self not to jump to anything and think you are like them because not everyone is what they look like and that’s judging a book by the cover. And don’t get me wrong I am not judging you; I really do want to share something great and worth while with you. But bear with me if I seem lost at times because I am still fighting my barrier to open up to you. I believe at this moment I am writing in circles but I don’t really care I will write until I get to what my point is. For one I am in love with you but I cannot say it or tell you that because it sounds not so logical at this moment. But I have to stay true and real to let you know what the vibes are. Anyone else in this world who does not think me and you is not a good idea can kiss my ass. I am not going to be controlled by the world and everything in it because what I want and I need I have and I don’t need them to try take it away. So many times I really believe I am dreaming but when I look around there are so many things telling me to stop letting my mind control me. But you are an enigma to me. I cannot figure you well at least I don’t know much about you but it’s the suspense and waiting to find out that makes it all worth doing. I am one of the girls who prove the 11th man theory...put me In a room with 10 guys who are talking to me giving me attention and never leave my side but then you walk in the 11th man…pays no attention to me, turn your back and ignore me and is having a conversation to someone else but all I want is to try and get your attention. I don’t want to be petted or have a bunch of people telling me I am pretty but I want the attention on the one man who didn’t even notice me when he walked in. I have no idea I if explained that properly but it’s the relative truth to what I wanted to say. I have so much more to tell but something’s are going to be held for now until you absorb all I just babbled on and on about.

The fear is not because of you but what I am

2008-03-21T17:12:00.000-07:00

I have hated you for so many years
I waited countless hours for you to some what see your mistake was
You cannot come to realize you were wrong
You cannot own up to your own conscience
Don’t even come with the stupid excuse you seem to repeat each year
I am not a little girl
I can understand
Ill just laugh at the years I waited on you to own up to what you did
You still believe I have no clue what really happened
I know everything ever since the day I was born and before
The bars that hold me fast to this place will be broken soon
When I walk out I don’t want to even look back
I gave you too many years and time to do it right
Even when I am old enough I still allow you to treat me like you baby girl
But I am sorry to inform you
I am no child of yours
I see you keep trying to hold be back and keep me with you
But each day you give me a new reason to never return
I would like you to tell me how it feels when I leave and you never see me again
I pray to god your beloved son shower you with love for the rest of your love
And your precious baby girl don’t break your heart
But I will never let you control my life or even try to make a decision for me
I keep it real I became your personal maid I did not complain
But I know if I ever have a bad day or a problem in life you will never be the one I run to
I always dream of the day I attend your funeral and I eagerly anticipate its arrival
Tears that are like cloud fill your eyes when I break out of my shell
You are so afraid of what I am capable of
I see the fear in your eyes when you speak to me
You become amazed of how I grin when you yell
And how nice and tender I pretend to be
But the wrath that is hidden behind my voice is yet to come
Words are not enough for me to hurt you with
Temptation to show a preface of what is to come
But that alone is too strong
I can hurt you so deep you have no idea what you have created
But I assure you everything growing inside of me is all what you added each year
You wonder why I avoid you but you are too blind to see it’s not me
I am the wolf on the other side of the ice I slow await you arrival
That is if you make it across the thin ice…….
‘’lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference’’
May the anguish in my youth not pass on to my offspring’s in the future
May this not be apart of their lives
May you not be apart of them
Let the strength of my will power guide me through my life
I promise you I will become a perfect example of what you cannot be
And who you will never become
Let me become the female you suppress
The same one you fear
The one that will kill you without even touching a strand of your hair

The last Goodbye

2008-03-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

The last goodbye

Time was held in the palm of his hands
Like rain drops falling off a leaf
My body froze as I think of him more

My heart beats faintly
As I hold in my grief and pain
My head becomes light
And my eyes become glass

The reality I was faced with was too painful
To think of
Never to look in his hypnotic eyes
His tender cold lips against mine
The magnetic force pulling me into his arms
His angelic musical voice dazzling me
To be cradled in his protective arms

To live without him is being dead
No reason to go on
Nothing to wake up to
Knowing he will not be there in his ultimate perfection
Well now reality is gone
Lost in a world trapped in his love
To loose it is loosing the atmosphere
No oxygen I die slowly with every memory
Piercing my heart

As my blood curdles his lust to taste me
Is a wish I would grant
If I am to die he should have his will

I am dead without him
I am not complete
But here in his arms now is a moment I wont let slip away
Every second every day
I cherish to the end

CONFUSION

2008-03-19T16:18:00.000-07:00

I wait in desperate want
My body calling
I wonder if I am on your mind
Your smile got me high
Want to be the game you are playing
Want you make me soar like a bird over open shores
I go crazy you cannot come out of my mind
Wanting everything packaged in your suit
Ultimate sexy have me waiting
Begging to be a cloud in the sky
I am hyperventilating
I am loosing my mind
With everything around me moving so fast
Frozen to one spot anxious for something to happen
I am thinking what to do
Should I tell you how I am going crazy?
Should I tell you how I feel?
I am avoiding having the situation get out of control
But what am I do when you keep invading my mind?
My nights have become sleepless
I jump at the buzz of my phone or messenger
I am so very concerned if I let my self fall to you
I will pull away
I am so concerned how its going to look and you know very well why
I don’t want to let this pass but I really need to get it together
Temptation to stare into your hypnotic eyes
The magnetic force that draws me to you
But for how long can I pull away
How long can I fight and suppress feelings that are stronger than I am?
How could heaven make someone so much like an angel?

TWILIGHT

2008-03-18T22:45:00.000-07:00

A secret never to be told
Hidden in my heart
Kills me each day
Suspense of the event of any reaction
Towards my day to day hidden blush

Conversations left with a hanging sentence
Gives a feeling of being incomplete
Utterance of the truth slips out
But are drawn back to my soul
Leaving me with a reason to linger on in thought

Silent whispers flow in the air
But are shunned by my need to hide
Walls of bricks are built around me
Giving me need to break them down
Need to express this feeling
That, if known earlier
Shatter the whole reason to hide them
Changing the context of them completely

Timing a very important factor
Complete confidence
I dig deep into my soul
For the courage to face this
Enigma

Moral want to understand
Every feature and every flaw
Surges of fear flush down my spine
With shyness my face turns pink

I embrace him with some
Thought he might feel me against
Him more than just a hug
Maybe my fear of him
Noticing that I cringed towards him for an extra second
Then quickly shy away

Thoughts storm about my head
Hoping he doesn’t think I am weird

My heart skips a beat each time I see you
Yet still I cannot seem to tell you how I feel
Still confused to if this is real!

But I cannot help but admire the stars in his eyes
His precious lips utter words so gentle
A boy so beautiful I have never seen before
I cannot help but to stare
Into the twilight of his eyes

Lacainne Russell

when you where mine

2008-03-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

It was not long ago
when memories were made
laughter was everywhere
when wrong could be forgiven

I cant find a reason to let go
even tho i am not what your dreams are made of
without you its not worth living alone

Sometimes i scream out your name
what right is there for them to take you away?
after you were mine for so long?

Removed all the pictures
its was a time of love and laughter
happy ever after

Even though the pictures are not there
please tell me she is not real
and you are coming home

So many times i wake up at night
what right is there to take you heart away?
what was the reason?

I keep wishing that time would erase these lonely tears
my heart is in second place without you
seems it was easy but i never looked beyond the fog

I have lost my way
i cant find a reason to hang on
i cant find an answer to the questions

The pictures on the wall
looks at me with reasons
my head tries to convince my heart

But will it be forever
not knowing what tomorrow will be
knowing you love has ended

I am saying sorry

2008-02-29T06:59:00.000-08:00

I'm saying sorry first
I'm saying sorry last
I'm saying sorry for the future
but mainly for the past

I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you
and I'm sorry for not listening when you needed it the most
you were right
and you had the right to be mad

I'm sorry that you felt the need to apologize
and I'm sorry that you were hurt
I'm sorry that I can only see the good
and always try to avoid the bad

I'm saying sorry for all my mistakes
I'm saying sorry for being blinded
blinded by the perfect thought of you and me
when really we don’t have a chance

I'm the stupid one
I let you down
and I feel it deep within me

We both made some errors
and said something wrong
but that’s how life is
Nobody's perfect not even me and you
so I'm sorry for that too
And I'm sorry for everything but ...
Please forgive me We can change things back to normal
I'm sorry if this is not what you want
But it’s the only thing I can think of

To my unborn child

2008-02-29T06:46:00.000-08:00

I write from here on from the truth in my heart and the depths of my soul, to you a blessing that was bestowed upon me.
You came into me, a new life, so true and complete.
I never dreamt it would be this way,
How could I have been chosen to bear such wonder?
A blessing beyond imagination, could I ever ask for more?
You came to me in my dreams and you my little angel so small and sweet, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, a smile so radiant and eyes so deep I saw your father right through you.
My precious child as I drift and wonder what it would be like to meet you for the first time, your tiny hands so small and soft and delicate like an orchid in may.
You are my angel, my heart, my baby…. God gave you to me to love and care for until you left and that so I did and even when you left I never stopped loving you so that when you come again you will be a living proof of the love your father and I shared.
Sweet child I pray god bless you with your fathers eyes to see the world with all things wise,
I pray you inherit my ability to plan for what is far away but yet close, so you will be prepared for the things in life whether man or woman.
I pray you receive you father’s centre and be cautious in every door you enter with my spirit that you will let no one take from you and my curiosity, just like me to blurt a bundle of questions.
Have my big heart and your father’s discernment so you know when to let go before getting hurt.
Share the strength of your father to handle what you feel, and share my sense of humor and laugh alot it helps in life and still have your father’s duty to know when to be serious.
I am emotional so it’s ok to cry sometime but always remember your father and I will always be here to dry your tears.

Until you return my child I pray everyday as you play among the clouds you will be protected by our love and be blessed with all that your father and I have given unto you.

Tu amor

2008-02-26T16:26:00.000-08:00

through the rain you cannot see my tears..you cannot see them but baby i am willing to go to the ends of the earth to be with you no matter what happens i will always love you..even when death is upon us my heart will still long for you..i have never found love on a level so high and we both have it so strong i hate to loose it...you have changed me..to someone i dont even reconise my self...this girl is so amazing..your name is written across my heart with your love.. tu amor

I am watching you

2008-02-26T16:13:00.000-08:00

On a big white cloud i sit looking down at you...laughing at how you try to climb up cannot reach i spread my wings and roam about then pick you up...and take you with me higher than the clouds..touching the stars and waving to the moon....as we pass we leave a faint stain across the sky our love reginin over the earth ...and i put u back where u were and again sit upon the clouds and watch you decide to scale the clouds or use the stairs?

WHERE IS MY HEART

The faint beat of my heart is about to go and the soft breath left in me goes and i cease to survive my wilterin rose will die for the petals are falling and no one is picking them up?

He awaits my arrival

2008-02-24T11:43:00.000-08:00

taking baby steps, i climb up a mountain of feelings i hav for you, taking each into consideration, embracing every moment of thought i colide with, realizing how much every second counts....reaching the top, i await your arrival with open arms and a heart, one beat extra just for you...in my mind you stay like a plague, theres nothin i can do but accept that fact im falling for you. Would i ever get this feeling back in return...i stay awaitin your arrival...if needs be on top of that mountain waitin for eternity just to share that special moment with you

Where do you go from here? What do you? What is your choice?

2008-02-24T10:12:00.000-08:00

This article today is one of my deepest ever, i had to read over the others to make sure my nerve's can let me express what i am feeling. Well here it is....

There you are, going through your daily routine,
along comes someone you don't really notice but yet they are there. You share laughs and exchange views, thoughts and whatever possible. Doing all of this you had no idea that somewhere down the line you will fall in love with this person. At first everything is neutral but as time goes by you seem to draw more towards them.
Everything goes well after the Cinderella story and you are the happiest couple ever. Arguments become tiny things you breeze through them like ABC'S, then all of a sudden when it seems as if your life could not be more perfect the worst thing happens. You find faults with your significant other and then you just want to put them out. Clear them out of you life, attempt to avoid hurting them but even though you are very careful you mange to break them like a valuable crystal. Everything else in your world is at the top but you cannot seem to climb up and be there with them you want to stay at the bottom with your heart and try to find crazy glue and put it back together as quick as possible. Adding crazy glue only made it worst you added pieces that were never even there. This only makes matters worst you begin to build a wall that in the long run you are going to have to climb to get up to your mountain. Words become swords and each one pierce you so deep you drain almost to death. The love that was created with your other is stronger than your walls and bigger than your mountain but you cannot seem to tap into it long enough to over your mountain and break down your wall. But what you both fail to realise is that none of you can over come the obstacle in your way unless you do it together. And my question Where do you go from here? Well my personal answer is team up and face each others trials together, be there for each other and even when you both cannot see the clear picture of how just try and you will see the smoke clear away. This also answered question two what to do? Be their, be a shoulder, give an ear, even if you are far apart keep a solid communication and you will be amazed what will happen. Now i am asking my third question what is your choice? Well my choice is to try and see what happens after i try question one and two. Until then i am done..

love is laughter
love is tears
love is sleeping on the couch
love is respect
love waking up and wishing for a good morning
and before you know it you smile because there it is,
love is waiting all day by the phone,
even though you know they wont call,

its an obsession,
a poem
a Corny rhyme just to make you smile
its the things you want it to be
and i want my love to be just what it wants
i want to give love as wide as the ocean and never ending like of the blue in the sky
but i also want to receive love no exactly as how i give but how they would like to get it

Baby i know i piss you off so many times n act a fool but when i fool can find true love it make him wiser than a rich bachelor

what is love?

2007-11-13T18:29:00.000-08:00

It never fails when you love someone its from the heart, its pure, its true, its all that one needs to survive. when a person falls in love its never by accident, its never by mistake. it happens because it should. its never a curse, its never a regret. to be able to love one you have to love your self. how can you share your all when you are not even sure of what you have to offer. a event of the past should not predict your future. love is passion. love is kind. love is honest....love is joy......love is respect.....love is honor.......love is compassion......love is true. to love some one you should respect them and their views.. to love someone you should... honor them for who they are... to love someone you should be able to tell them your secrets and trust and know you can trust in them you should be honest....i ask my self each day if i live by what i teach but i didn't and i wish everyday i did practise what i preach for i loved someone and honesty was not present in the relationship and with out that there is no trust and basically there was nothing.....when all the little thing i never thought mattered begun to grow and the only thing i had left was my words and love......so many times i wish that i could turn back the hands of time and go back to the day i went wrong. i wish i could change it all but that is the past and i refuse to let it predict my future. so now i live by my words for the pain of loosing the one you love is torture and torment to the soul. knowing you cant change what you have done but you can only spend the rest of your life paying for it. hurting someone is a scar in their lives, it will always be a memory to them. and even when you learn from your mistakes and you try to fix them it never works. but i know that when you love someone no matter what happen the many pieces of your scattered heart love that person more than ever.......and through thick and thin you are there and if you have to stand in the rain and wait for them to return you are there........and even when you have reach your lowest and cannot hurt any more or be sorry the only thing you can say to that person is I LOVE YOU.........

i love you

2007-10-24T15:22:00.001-07:00

i love you and i wont supress it. i need you i am not goin to hide it. i miss you. you are ma glass rose and each ray of sun light that touches the crystal is a ray of your love. when i open my eyes and i listen to the birds chirpin and the dew is still on the grass, waitin that one day when i wake up you would be beside me and i will wake up to the whisper of your voice. as i go about my day thoughts of you pop up in my head every now and then, i smile, for no reason just thinbking of the silly things you do that makes me smile so much. and i tremble to your touch. your arms are like the petals of a flower protecting the style from harm, in your arms i am safe nothing can harm me. your love makes me stronger each day and your tenderness keeps me through this life... facing so many forces that forbid this love but feeds of each others care and faith to grow into one and over come that is in our way. i love you and i will tell the world. i miss you and you know it. i want you and you want me. i need you and i am still waiting on you........... what will your answer be?

When he walked away

2007-09-04T19:19:00.000-07:00

I stood frozen like a crystal,
unable to move as i watch him turn away.

He walks slowly towards his car,
taps his pocket for his keys,
opens the door gently and get behind the wheels

Without looking back he drove off
and there i was standing in amazement
thinking of that wonderful sound of his voice whispering in my ear
his touch so tender against my body

Then like a rain drop rolling down a leaf
a tear fell out of my eye,
rolled down my cheek and splatter on the ground
still staring in mid air as if he was there

Slowly a humming begins
i am missing him already
soft and tender my heart beats faintly as if death was upon my lips
as i turn pale and my eyes become glass
my ego begins to dance about hoping he will be back soon

Waiting patiently as the week passes
thoughts rage through out my mind of him just being with me
then again i found my rose
my rose that was so beautiful and still in its glass case

A petal fell slowly
as it fell my heart became heavy
my eyes became a ocean
tears came running down my cheeks like a river

For the falling of a petal is the breaking of his love
still i wait for him to return
but such chance is now dead
for when he walked away
he left me frozen and my heart became a crystal rose
as the petals fall i become numb to the feeling of being loved once again.

This is for my ladies written by a bestie

2007-08-02T17:51:00.000-07:00

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year ! later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone Else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing! all the bending...compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Missing you

2007-07-30T11:10:00.000-07:00

missing you

you left me

alone in this world alone

everyday i wish you would just on home

everyone misses you nieces and nephews still morn

there was some many things we never got to say

we would love to have you back even for just one day

so many things we never got to do

so many times i wish i could have gone with you

i try to bear the pain

it only seems like everything has become a strain

but no matter i will never give up

i will do my best and keep my pride

we still wait for the day we will see you again

i will never forget how much you ment to me

you were my grandmother, mother and friend

together as one we will always be

i know one day we will all be together as a family again

we will sing,dance, eat and drink ever so happy

Dedicated to ROSE ELLA HARRISON (AUNTIE ROSE, ROSIE, MADA ROSE, MUM, GRAMA ROSE, SIS ROSE, MAMA, MOM) LA LA, DAUGHTER, MISS KITTY, DADDY B, JAMEIL WILCHOMBE, GRETEL HARRISON (AUNTY GRET, GRANNY), SIS ROB, ANNIE.

From your brothers, daughters, son,son in laws, daughter in laws, cousins, granddaughters, grandsons, nieces, nephews, family friends, best friends, and church family.

A risky lullaby

2007-07-29T11:41:00.000-07:00

It is what keeps you alive, it a secret only you and him knows the truth. you cannot tell anyone because if you do you face the risk of torment and torture! you both don't what to have to deal with it. but its like a weak poison it is going to kill you but it takes a little while for it go in your system and when it gets there it travels slowly! they say love cannot die so you and him are in separable. you have quiet evenings alone when no one is around. no ones knows about this beautiful spur of love that shines so brightly but is deprived by consequences. just to have a little freedom would be appreciated just have a chance to prove it can work between them! but whatever is done between them is all a big risk. but taking that risk and not get caught is the melody of a risky lullaby when you close your eyes to go to sleep. then over and over again you come close to telling but u suddenly remember its not the choice of one but both person involved. How do you let them know he is the one who has style like a bently cruise or a special shoes! everytime you walk bye all the girls be looking at you! how do i tell them?

To Mr.King........

2007-07-29T11:35:00.000-07:00

I love you

I love you so much its hard to say!But no matter what I am saying it today!You make my spine tingle!Thinking of you makes my feet wanting to dance while I hum a jingle!When I was a child to go to the beach is to play in sands but when you grow up you only want to find the hidden treasure in the sand. I have been searching for the one true person who wants me for me and I was blessed with a guy. Wow! He blows my mind. He does not have to go out of his way to make me happy just to listen to him pleases me. If I could make a wish my wish would be for him to be my lover, friend, companion, husband, and faithful rock to be strong for me when I can’t make it through. This guy is a one of a kind cutie he is Mr. Right who was waiting to sweep me off my feet, and I must say he did a darn good job. His smile his touch his big brown eyes they make me so weak and just want to fall into his arms. Baby I am sorry this started in to a poem but I am so over whelmed I have to finish it as an article. The little things in life that makes people happy are the things we all forget to do. My baby calls me from work when he is working late and that tells me I have a man who will be right there when I need him. I know I am getting a little carried away but bear with me for just a couple minutes more. I don’t care if you are not as tall as me you love reaches higher than the sky. And those pink lips that just leave me speechless every time I kiss them I only want to kiss them more. Your cute sexy walk is just smooth and I must say baby you balling. I think if I continue I will run out of pages to write on. And all I am trying to say is you make me happy and I love you and I will always love you no matter what happens I am here for you when you need me. And this wonderful guy who I am talking about is the one reading this right now! Baby! I love you boo!!!!!!

A monent in time

2007-07-29T07:32:00.000-07:00

A moment in time

It is all you want he is perfect but what can you do? You have flaws and he wants more and you try and try but no matter what you can never get it right. He slowly drifts away from you and you do every thing you can just to hold on the little thread that keeps you alive. Then you finally break and everything over flows emotions run wild wrath become so sweet and you become cold and mean. But you still have that one tender spot for the one who makes you smile just as you hear his name, the one who makes you laugh no mater how horrible the joke was. The moment you fell in love your heart was his, for him to keep and protect. Then once upon a time a prince turned into a frog and he croaked. He took you for granted and because you love him so much you let it slide. Then there were days where you just begin to cry and you don’t know why. You never saw how sugar became salt so quick. But you love him so much you are willing to keep your salt and wait for it to turn back into sugar. You forgive and forget. You trust again and if you could trade your life for that one chance you would. Just to relive that one special moment, with him is heaven for you. And this is how much you love him but you might not show it and he has no clue. Just tell him! Let him know you will stop time just to stop him from making a mistake. You would do anything to show him that your moment in time is with him!

I am sorry

2007-07-10T17:18:00.000-07:00

I am sorry if i forget to tell you how much i love you! I am sorry if i forget your birthday. I am sorry if i did you wrong. Sorry for the things i dint care about the things you need. Sorry for the time i never gave you. Sorry for the long nights and lonely afternoons. Sorry for not being there to comfort you. Sorry for the thing i dint do and the things i did. Sorry for never telling you the things that should have been said. Sorry if i didn't tell you what i am about to say.

I don't care about going out to fancy restaurants and expensive jewelery and tons of gifts. I do care about the one i love so much. I would trade my life for you if you needed it. I would give you my last breath if i needed to. I would give my life just for you. And i am guilty of all you accuse me of and i take full responsibility for it all. This is my apology to you will you please accept?

DEAR.........

2007-06-28T12:53:00.000-07:00

I am sorry you never took the time to know me! you never took the time to understand!
the pressure is killing me just to keep up with the world. What the hell am i to do if i don't know? how the hell am i to get blame for actions of another person! when you cry in the rain your tears are hidden! when you are hurt your dreams are shattered! when your heart is broken you have no life. when someone goes away you sit in solitude. You wish and hope that someone would understand what you are going through. Things happen that we can never understand. things that is the most precious to you are your biggest secrets. I wish we can do things over again. We wish they took time to know us. NEVER LET THE FEAR OF STRIKING OUT KEEP YOU FROM PLAYING THE GAME! The thing that means the most to you is taken away you are broken into pieces because you have nothing else to do! When we look for answers we only get excuses. If you did it just let them you did and give them a dam good reason to back it up with! If you miss someone you cant seem to connect with tell them and make time for them to understand you.

If you love someone and you are hurting them but you don't know you are doing it?
when you love someone you are filled with love and joy and you get so carried away with your self you end up making mistakes and hurting them you apologise over and over again. Apology cant help you but just to explain your self and take the punishment that comes with it.
You wanna say goodbye but you don't know what to say, you don't want to hurt them. I don't want to see you cry or break in two it will only kill me to know i cause you that pain. When they are gone and there is no more baby boy to walk through the door no more butterfly kisses. No more hugs and birthdays there nothing else in a relationship that hurts more that hurting the one you love.

Promises are made to be kept to assure one that you will come through. Promises in a relationship only makes me worry. To hear the one you love say i love you and you are the only one and i PROMISE ill never leave is a joy and comfort to a woman. We are women we do things we cant explain we hurt people and we apologise sometimes we don't mean it sometimes we do but if you can admit what you did wrong and accept the guilt along with it you are doing the right thing.

If you think this will only be another one passing through you life they mean nothing to you don't stay. Not many women can fall in love and get over it some fall in love and cant get out some guys are like that too but its only pain to the other person in the relationship.

And a word to special people.......... if you don't want the truth to come out don't run behind the people who knows it don't treat them with isolation don't cut them out of your live because you always have precious strings attached and you don't want them to be clipped because it will hurt more than the truth would!

with love,

ANGEL

another used to be

2007-06-17T15:18:00.000-07:00

how can you love someone if you dont like them?

It is clear to see that it would be just another page in history.
Pain is a part of happiness.
Love a person you never really like much.
Help someone who will never help you if you were dying.
Relationships are to be filled with fights and nights sleeping alone.
Marriage should be me sleeping down stairs.

None of these should be the idea in your mind if you love some one you should like them before you say i love you. For you to help someone who would never help you why should you help them? god wants us to help all. A relationship should be filled with flowers and a call from work saying i love you and i cant wait to see you after work. A marriage should be filled with a goodnight honey and a kiss. Love has no limit towards the greatness of love. If you love some one you dont have to explain your age difference with your companion. i am hoping what i am writing wont hurt no one if it does my apologies.

If a guy thinks being with a girl for one hour out of the week is a relationship you are only fooling yourself. A woman wants to be with the guy she loves, so much, she wants him with her until she falls asleep and wants to hear his voice when she wakes in the morning. To be an ex and still love the person who is no longer the person you come home to is the most painful thing. The thoughts of a person sholud no be it only one night with this person because one night can change your life you can fall in love with a person in just a second. If you didnt believe in love at first sight, try to believe it and it will be so amazing to show you it might be the right person you were looking for. If someone said you cant find love in the ghetto, tell them they dont know because they found it it does not mean no one else can find it there. Love is like a diamond in the ruff you might not be looking for it but you will stumble upon it. It shines and calls attention to the beautiful gem hidden. I you missed your love the fist time it will come back to you. The earth is round it revolves and whatever goes around come right back to you. Time after time someone will say if its true love it will come back to you. True love means you never leave the one you love, you never hurt them, you never let them down you always come through, always believe in them. Love is never an excuse to throw off a conversation or endless kisses to get out of a question. You are never afraid of telling them that you love them. You are never afraid of crying in their company. You never feel embrasses when they are laughing, you should laugh with them.

If you dont like a person dont tell them you love them. they would only become a page in history ANOTHER USED TO BE.

If you like someone and you cant expalin how much and you love them tell them you love them.

Glenroy i love you!

2007-05-11T13:23:00.000-07:00

the heart

2007-05-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

The heart in the medical world is the main organ in the human body. But in terms of a relationship the heart is where emotions spur from and where feeling develop and memories are stored.
To a doctor the heart is a delicate organ. To a person in love the heart is just as sensitive! This is where a person develops the feeling of attraction towards the other specie. If a person is in love then the heart will be filled with joy and happiness. But if a person is hurt emotionally the heart is sure to be under great stress. The heart can be torn emotionally but not physically. When the heart is torn it affects the whole body changing behavior and characteristics of the person! To be heart broken can mess up a person bad! To be heart broken can dive you crazy!
But most of all to be in love is the greatest gift you can give nothing but love

do you want to know?

2007-05-06T08:19:00.000-07:00

Do you want to know?

Do you want to know if he loves you so?
Is it in his embrace?
No that’s only his arms!
Is it in the ways he say I love you?
No that is just to let you know!

Do you want to know if he loves you so?
Is it in his eyes?
No it just to mesmerize!
Is it in his eyes?
No you will be deceived!
Is it in his face?
No that is only his charm!

I want to know if this boy loves me so!
I will find it in his kiss! Kiss him and hold him tight and ill get my answer tonight!
Its in his kiss.

what a girl wants

2007-05-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

A girl wants to look like she is the most beautiful girl in the world. She wants to feel like she is the sexiest girl alive. She needs attention and care. She needs love and compassion. She wants the perfect boyfriend that every other girls wants. She wants a man to blow her mind give her butterflies every time he is around. She wants him to remember every birthday, Christmas, valentines. She wants someone who would make her smile when she is mad and when tears are rolling down her cheeks. And when things go wrong he is beside her 100%. And no matter what she does he will always love her!

how can you loose some thing you never had?

2007-05-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

How can you loose something you never had?
The one thing you love the most in life that you never had always seems like you owned it. You do everything like it belongs to you and you live like you are perfectly fine, but life, it doesn’t seem you are miss out anything. You walked across the moon and live like there was no tomorrow but, is it ok for you to do so? You won’t know the answer until you are willing to realize that you need to accept the facts that what ever you want and you can’t get it you have to let it go. Letting go is hard but on the other hand you cannot cry or be mad at your self for loosing something you never had! Your thoughts of the one special thing or person will never go away but remember you did not loose it! Why? It did not belong to you in the beginning but you had a choice to pick either you want to let the thought linger or you would get up and demand and work towards the goal of getting the most important thing to you! What is the most important thing to you?

what is life?

2007-05-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

What is life?

In life one will experience many changes. should I accept them or just let them take me over? I don’t know how to find my answer but when you are not sure, always trust your guts. What is my gut saying? I am to take my self away from negative responses and live life as it comes by? Or by taking a breath and enjoy the gifts presented unto me?
Acceptance to certain things is very hard, but, how do I accept something my soul does not want?
What do I do?
Will it go away?
Will it destroy me?
I have no clue how to answer these questions but being irrational really won’t help me into getting better!
so I ask again what is life?
Do I let this be a ride and take the features with it? Or do I find my self and take a risk?
There are many questions, but most of all the main one is do I have a life?
Then I will ask my self what kind of life do I have?
So what am I asking?
We only get one chance in life so I suggest we live it like we love it and accept the reality that it can be very mean!
what is life?
do you have a life?
what is your life?

LACIANNE .C. MARTIN